Why I'm in the market for a Lifecall

First of all, I have a vacation recap that is chugging along. More to come on that...

So, tonight. We're driving home from the cottage, after a muggy outdoor showing of "Flushed Away." (Note on this screening: Seamus watched about 50% of this. He spent the rest fooling with the teenager staffers and looking for popcorn. Colin watched 30%. Most of his time was spent in a solo wallball game. Aidan clocked in at about 10%. He alternated between basketball and something resembling football.)

We're about halfway home when we pass a policeman tucked into a little side nook in the road. It's late in the month, no real surprise there. I make a joke to Aidan that I might need to grab the officer's attention or call 911 because I'm about to pass out from the awful stench that resulted when Aidan took off his shoes. I am not kidding. Toxic air filled the old Jetta. I am very, very afraid of the teenage years.

As these things happen, talk turned to 911 and what would the boys do if there was an emergency. After convincing Colin it's 911 to call, not 991 (this in itself took a solid 5 minutes) I decided to kill the rest of the ride with a little role play, since the Red Sox are too frustrating to listen to and it is frowned upon by most authorities that I would consider listening to Howard Stern replays when the boys are in the car with me.

Somehow the scenario was posed that I fell down the stairs (moi? klutzy?) and what would happen. I played the role of 911 operator, and Aidan was my "savior."

Me: 911. This call is being recorded. What is your emergency?

Aidan: Um, hi. My name is Aidan R____. I live on ______. Yeah, #39? It's yellow? Anyway. My mom fell down the stairs. Shhh. Guys, guys. Stop it. Yeah, those are my brothers. They're laughing at my mom. But I think she's unconscious. I poked her. Not in the eye. In the arm. And just with my finger. But she's not moving. Guys, guys - don't laugh. I'm talking to the ambulance lady. So, my mom was in the shower and came down to go to work and just fell. I think her feet were wet. So, can you send someone? Or should I poke her again to see if she moves? Maybe with something other than my finger?

Face it, gang. I'm a goner if a household emergency should happen while I'm alone with the boys. Maybe I should get me a Lifecall?